vaga 1/24 pandemic times

Part XXIV

Koh Tao, in the Gulf of Thailand, the images of this beautiful island will accompany us in this chapter, the island where I am, and it is 6 km by 2 km wide, the photo I took from the beach facing my house, the Cover photo is where my cabin is located. 

It worries me to be misplaced for publishing in times of pandemic. My stories are about travel, entertaining adventures, humour, freedom and publishing them feels in bad taste in these times when no one is saved from a catastrophic situation, quarantines, all kinds of restrictions, financial strains for a good amount of time, it has been like a type of War, however, they always affect one part of the world and here we are the entire planet without exception under an unprecedented situation.  

I feel uncomfortable, not only for publishing, but also because I am living on a paradisical island  no infection, open beaches and zero atmosphere of anguish, of collective panic. In a literal bubble that is practically empty and if you add that Thailand has done extraordinarily well  on the subject, I suspect in a couple of weeks we would be completely free of infections, it would be the first country in the world with a recovery of more than 3 thousand infected to its total cleaning and that it is a hope for others. However, I also think that publishing would be a distraction from reading and changing the subject …….I will take a chance.

Given the explanations of my feelings, I go on to narrate my peculiar situation, this being my travel journal, and it is the time I am, vaga # 1: present, past and future. Well, being at the end of January in the north of Laos on the border with China, a friend from Singapore warned me to stay away from China and its borders because of the coronavirus, first information and from there I have been informed daily of how it is going in the world. I listened to his advice, not so convinced and how they affected the old people more, and I ran into tourists who came by bus from China with whom we shared a guest house, I decided to go south through Laos. So from the very beginning I have been observing how it expands while I was in the starting area and travelling. Six weeks later in the middle of March I was in Cambodia the pandemic started to get a name as a worldwide pandemic in an aggressive form.

From Cambodia, I was thinking of going to the Philippines, but they began to close borders and my visa in Cambodia was running out and extending it from where I was because I did not want to move from there, it was so beautiful it was a tremendous mess that they leave you without a passport for more than two weeks, NOPE!!!!  And of the things that I always pay attention to, consulates, in Cambodia there is no Chilean embassy, and what happens if I lose my passport? where to turn? Europeans and Americans who are paranoid about losing their passports, I tell them - I should be paranoid, Chilean embassies in small countries do not exist - while the European Union and gringos are in all of them. How do I get out ? how do I solve this? 

I share my days on the island because it is not common, I would not if it were the same story as the rest better known to all ... ... How  lucky I am, and I know several corners in the world that could be perfect for a quarantine, but I had a visa for a long period, so I decided to return to Thailand, back home. My blessed resident visa once again saved me. I got to know Koh Tao island last year, I liked it for the small, quiet, marvellous beauty, with a chic glamour, good restaurants and beautiful walks, and I returned in time to save myself voluntarily. The same day of my arrival, March 26, the quarantine was implemented for the newcomers, but my guardian angel when getting off the ferry under a large police contingency, health personnel and volunteers strictly interrogated the arrivals. A young farang woman (Westerners living in Asia) asked me where am I from? -from Chile - she shrugged her shoulders, the most unexpected answer, she asked another colleague out loud…., from Chile ? He told her to let me pass, without procedures to enter quarantine. Crucial question mistake, it should have been -where have you been for the last 15 days- and my little angel saved me from a  big one, even without knowing it. 

 Koh Tao, was and is a success, and above all that the coronavirus never arrived. The total closure came 5 days later, no more ferries were accepted, Thailand entered a partial quarantine and movement was limited in the country. Days later, a night ferry and cargo ferry was implemented twice a week, and you could only get out between empty gas cylinders and not much else since only things are brought to the island, which could not run out of supplies, with a time of 9 hours versus the day tourist of 2 hours to reach the mainland. As the word says, and it would be literally and strictly speaking it was isolation on an island. But in my case it is the opposite of the word how that isolated in an adverse situation and without help, I have been isolated in Farellones by roads closed in by snow and in bad time, well here I break the concept, isolated in a cabin ten meters from the sea, with a wonderful climate, and very humid, just enough, on an empty and paradisaical island. There were few tourists left to whom visas were automatically extended without paperwork for three months, and this was ideal for young people (Europeans), many of whom had their jobs frozen until further notice, or were waiting for the possibility of returning from some way to their countries. For example, only two planes leave for Germany a week, those that were full for a long time with seats in between. It is interesting to see how some countries and others approached the pandemic, so I talk with them about European countries, versus what happens here and heard from others, including Chile.

The island in the 80s was for prisoners, then only 5 families happened to be the owners, I live with one of them, a hundred-year-old woman who does not speak a jot of English, they rent the land out, they don’t sell it, and it is a way  to keep the control of their lands. But now, they are starting to sell some land.

It is definitely a completely different stay from all my previous ones of all my wandering and having no other option. On another occasion I will go into details because they are of anthropological curiosity, and I am going to write one day "living with Europeans", and I am not referring to those with Latin roots. It is a tremendous contrast, it does not leave me indifferent. Experiences so opposite to what I have shared with Asians all these years and even here on the island, some abound with kindness, generosity, dedication, spontaneous smiles, without questioning anything, while the others lack little and nothing to learn from them. . It is ready to be written.

pandemic activity, the island that received several hundred tourists per day, was almost empty, a pleasure, but nevertheless, a great loss of jobs since it is the only activity that supports the island and many were left jobless; housekeepers, waiters, travel agencies, craft and clothing stores, restaurants kept going. As the days went by, I had to appreciate how the islanders began to enjoy their beach, with their children who did not have classes, teenage girls with their music, fishermen with their nets that were  thrown  into the sea in front of the beach, since “the” There is no other large and easily accessible beach that has always been full of tourists; bathing, or as used here resting for hours in the water, and it was impossible to put the nets, soccer matches when the tide is low, or long conversations between them or repairing things, shops, boats. I make a point here, I never heard a complaint, a bad word, there are 100s that are jobless, it is something extraordinary about this culture.

I return to why my guardian angel saved me from one that was too big and because it would have been a total paradise, paradise is total until one falls ill and the romantic thing about being a small island turns into a nightmare. A few days later I fell ill with  a fever, the end of March. I will share sensitive events that I experienced and are in this email that I sent to a stranger and that I copy, my chronicle of those days of body and soul. 

Dear @: You have put your email at the end of the book that I picked up, it is a conscious invitation to contact you and here I am. Talking with a stranger, sometimes it is easier or in my case free to tell the whole story, one more of the markers of my life, freedom that I do not give myself with my loved ones, one tends to protect them, save them regrets and worries and more than one thinks - it happens to you because you have that kind of life - but they don't tell you. I appreciate that you had not said with a maximum of 235 characters as when one requests an insurance claim ...

Around March 23rd, I passed through Bangkok in search of the place to do my voluntary quarantine, I came from Cambodia and my visa was already expiring and the borders were closing, after going through plan a, b, c, all frustrated and the responsible thing was to return to Thailand, that's why I went through BKK for two days to go to the island of Koh Tao, my final destination and from where I write this email.

I left Chile more than two and a half years ago, and I have wandered the world, I only have one suitcase in this land, and I am a very happy person. The last two years in Asia and what I always miss is reading in Spanish, not the wine, the pisco sour, or the casseroles. The first thing I do before “check in” anywhere I go straight for the books in search of one in Spanish, luck is small, I could count  the fingers of one hand throughout my wanderings, however they have been good. I start reading very fast and then go to maximum slowness so that I do not finish. I came across the book "La Mecánica del Corazón" where you left it, “your book” the truth is that I was somewhat disappointed, It was very thin, it will go very fast ..... also my favourites are Spanish-speaking writers and not translations. This was a translation by an author I didn't even know. Obviously I have no choice of haggling, and it wasn't that strong emotion of awarding me one. I was getting quarantined, and I was only with a Gringo Thriller, my English is decent, but not for prose, and thrillers you can find everywhere, I told myself let's  practise English, something contributes. I can't go a day without a book in my backpack, even if I don't read for weeks, just the idea unsettles me. An anecdote two Christmas ago I invited my youngest son to spend the summer holidays (Southern Hemisphere) and I asked him to bring me books, he arrived with 12, we spent some time travelling together and when we said goodbye he said: "Mom, whenever you want I'll bring you more books, "it was his subtle way of inviting himself back.

I arrived in Koh Tao, on March 26, I settled down beautifully in front of the beach with the sand on my feet, I did a routine of long swimming and walks, determined to go on to take charge of my body, a little overweight, What better to not move from here, even with my gringo book halfway there. I woke up one day around 5 am, I felt feverish ...... shit and shit, for the great whore ........ it can't be ... it's the coronavirus, because of that motherfucker !!!!!!!!. And there it went through my mind  in a second my last steps of the previous 10 days, I checked and checked hundreds of times, I had taken a ferry in Cambodia from Ko Rong island, then a bus for 8 hours to Phnom Penh, the capital, from there a plane to Bangkok, a subway from the airport to the city with pure travellers from anywhere in the world, several taxis, a night bus to the south and ferry to Koh Tao, Summary cloistered with tourists and mostly young people who were not using precautions such as masks, they are invincible as they believe. I am high risk, I am 61 and a smoker and the worst comes here, on the island there is no medical assistance for complications and I could not spread the virus, I felt guilty for having it and that someone just by looking at me felt guilty for risking it . In the week that I have been here, I have not had a conversation with anyone and the owner of the bungalow where I am is a 100-year-old Thai woman who does not speak a jot of English, only one person passes every 3 days to collect rubbish. Alone, if my fever goes up  how do I ask for help? how do I get food? For the record, I don’t  panic easily, I have lived with two hospitalisations in these years of travel. But here, it was different, I was terrified was having trouble breathing with fright. I waited until nine in the morning, I over covered  myself up in a heat of 35 degrees, a double mask and I went to buy a thermometer, paracetamol, more masks, more cleaning gel, gloves, I did it in different pharmacies so that they would not be suspicious. I was in a catatonic state, frozen, but I had to hit it. The girl who sold me the thermometer looked at me with a scornful or scared face. I returned to my place, yes, I had a fever. The first thing I did instantly was to call my eldest son, I was very scared, which is not my character and hiding so as not to transfer it, without drama I told him: I suspect I have coronavirus, I have a fever. I was clear about the instructions to give him and I left suddenly, without subtleties: remove all the money from my current account, transfer it to yours. That money is to be used in case of death, once a death certificate is made, they are frozen, make everything transparent to your siblings, let my older brother make the repatriation, do not tell his younger siblings (a 21-year-old woman and a 20-year-old boy), They live with their father, who is a zero to the left and there has been no contact for years and  I could not count on him, as I  should be able to, as the father of my children, I told him that I would look for a doctor, but I doubt that this test would be here. I said to myself; Peque, think now while you can, !!!!!! and not having anyone around to give instructions at the right time, I had to do it and now that the fever was starting, maybe in 10 more hours it would be unbearable ..... Yes, my affectionate lawyer friend came to my head In Chile, Ignacio, I wrote him an email, to take care of everything, with repatriation instructions, to fulfil my promise to pay for the master's degree for my eldest son, that my brother take charge of coming to find me, I have a bank account in Thailand I gave him the account and contact details of someone here who can do the corresponding procedures for rescuing the money that was not a small amount that they incinerate me and scatter the ashes in the mountains of the Curicó valley, which I did not know and thus be able to continue knowing, the song of Edith Piaf "Je ne regrette rien de rien" and that you assume everything and leave my son free of this. I told him that I would send him a contact from Chiang Mai, A Thai friend who will be my support from here and the name of the supposed doctor who sees me and don’t warn my sisters who would fall into a crisis of hysteria and would not help me at all and my suitcase there is nothing of value to take care of and my computer to go to Pilar I attached her phone and the password to get into my writings and letters. I had already written an autobiography of my complex years of life, and now I wanted her to go back and include these two and a half years that I have written I am not pretentious, nor presumptuous on the contrary, but I have had a life of those, not because of the fantasy on the contrary, but because of being a survivor, the only fantasy are these years, and  they have been of a thousandfold intensity.

Then, I left home over-covered, felling guilty as much as you can imagine, to a medical consultation that I had seen on a poster, pufff not far, I only asked for the business card, from there I went to buy minutes to speak on the phone, I only had data, guilt and more guilt, got enough money from the ATM, for a week, two or two months? ..... guilt more guilt for walking in the streets, from there I went to a mini market, bought 10 packets of instant noodles, coffee in sachets, jars of tuna, vegetables, M&Ms to sweeten my anguish, cigarettes I even bought a whiskey I've never liked it, the cheapest, it wasn't worth more than beer, but I needed "a boost" it was extreme, a replenishment of balls. I returned to my bungalow, other concerns come to me, I was going to miss an essential medication and I know that I found it only in the pharmacy near the pier, 35 minutes walking ...... I can't walk that ..... and with this sun ..... I can't. I needed someone to check me daily, to bring me medicine and food. I had a kettle, so the water boiled, and I had drinking water. The other my bungalow neighbour less than 10 meters from my terrace I think he was German over 70, the first week !! good morning, good evening !!! and that's all, and in that week he saw me, swimming, reading on the beach, my walks ..... and then I disappeared, I did not open the door of my bungalow any more, ...... he will suspect something, he will tell the others, they will hate me .... I started taking my temperature in the bathroom in case someone saw me through the window with the thermometer in my mouth. I had to force myself to call the doctor, he answered me immediately, I told him I have a fever and I have been exposed to contagion in the last 10 days, I am 61, I am a smoker and I travel alone. I was 37.7, I started recording it 3 or 4 times a day, I forced myself not to do it every half hour. He said that the fever was not high, 37.7, for me it was, and to let him know when it went up ... but shit, if it goes up a lot I'll also go to hell ...... I didn't feel helped, or concern, I left feeling worse, but I at least had the phone number, a doctor, it was enough. Then contacting my friend Moy in Chiang Mai, for some reason the WhatsApp got a call error, getting her to contact me through friends, after 4 hours I managed to talk to her. She would take care of everything and affectionately, I gave her the name and telephone number of the doctor, and she was going to be calling him, they can speak Thai to one another I thought he would take it more seriously, I gave her my contact for my lawyer. At the end of the day, lawyer, Moy, doctor and I coordinated and my son was out of everything. So I ended my first day. The next day, the fever continued, and I was already lying flat in bed, I'm going to need my medicines, someone to stop by the bungalow to see me, bring me food and I think that around there or the next day I started reading your book, "The Mechanics of the Heart ”, Spanish pufff, nice, small, but something. I had a hard time concentrating, I had to read the same page over and over again, I made an effort and little by little I fell into the magic of the book, I began to turn the pages one after another until the fever hit me and I gave up. On the fourth day without improvement, but it did not get worse, I wrote and let my daughter know, at 21, that I had coronavirus, the point that she had fought to the death with me less than a month ago, she had a teenage tantrum that aired all our dirty laundry. Plus things that didn’t exist We love each other very much, and we are soul mates, I left her a WhatsApp message that we have to talk, I thought if I died she would blame herself for the rest of her days for having cursed me in such a way, and I did not see a reunion for a while on her part. She called me lovingly, and we talked, and she forced me to promise her that I was not going to smoke, I told her I have no lung problems, no cough, or panting, but I promised her and I did it with some effort, and to eat, to let her know. 

I like this photo very much because you cannot distinguish between sea and sky, it occurs in very rare conditions, between light, even cloudiness, zero wind, zero tide, it is like a ship that goes to infinity.

Because I was going to finish your book soon, and I was still functional I went at night to the hotel next door that I had already checked through that had a shelf of books outside the office, guilty to the core, I left at eleven at night I took one out in the dark and paid attention that it was not in German, perhaps I was contaminating the books, although I was doing it with gloves, but everything fell apart ... I no longer knew what was the right thing to do, how to proceed. The next day I wrote a message to the doctor who came to see me as a home consultation, I did not want to go out (5 minutes walking), he ignored me, so I went to his office, he treated me, and said the same; your fever is not high .... I told him again I had been exposed, I am 61, I smoke ..... could contact someone to check me once a day, why? To see if I need food, or go to buy medicine ... He walked with me to the beach to a restaurant near my bungalow, one of the few that was open, he spoke with the girl and i could ask her for food, but I had to go out to find her ...... and he got rid of me, he told me; stay home for 15 days or call me when it's over 38 degrees. I felt worse emotionally than the fever made me feel, abandoned and much more demoralised. I already had on the wall the doctor's card and Moy's phone number saying that she is a Thai friend and next to the side of my pillow is your book, "The Mechanics of the Heart", which I read before going to sleep. On the sixth day everything was the same, my neighbour should be convinced of something strange, never again a "hello" and I was locked up with seven keys. Calls from friends and WhatsApp that came to me, I did not answer, or give plain OK. I never cried, I never lost control, I never completely broke, It was concern about what complicating everyone, dying outside the country, on a tiny island without infrastructure for this, the world in a pandemic and nobody can move for months, it complicated everything in such a way, dying itself, was not the subject that I was worried about, I have always said today is a good day to die, except for the years of being a single mother. In my life I have nothing pending, and it is a luxury to say so.

Around 6 pm on the sixth day I could not take it any more ...... and I left with my guilt heavy on my shoulders where the shops are, which are 7 streets about 15 minutes walk since I remembered having seen a medical centre, it was a bit far away, but I got the energy, always double wrapped .......... A young doctor attended me, he told me there is no test on the island, but you do not have cough problems or a sore throat ... nope! … I am going to take a blood and urine test, the urine test, I was thinking why? and they hit me with the bill, nor did I have the amount in my bag, but I didn't think twice, I gave myself to them  and urgently, the next day I had to go for the results and return home and I kept reading your book "The Mechanics of the Heart ", It opened my fantasy, I enjoyed his prose, what a pleasure, how well written, how original, that was a gift of light in my darkness, though for brief moments I would read and then go back to Netflix to make me dozy. At nine o'clock in the morning the next day I return to the small clinic, two rooms, and I was  always carrying the guilt backpack and covered with sunglasses and a hat, a double mask and a pair of socks, the doctor looked at me with a smile and said to me; No, it is not coronavirus, and you don't have cold symptoms, that's why I investigated, but I knew that there are asymptomatic cases and 13% don’t have  coughs. From the blood it says that I had or did have dengue fever, the one that occurs with a fever and with severe symptoms and that the immune system was taking over and I had a urinary tract infection from testing the pee it does not give symptoms such as cystitis and other symptoms of the very recognisable urinary infection. This infection that does not give symptoms other than fever. 

Dear, I felt exhausted ....... one of the reasons for my hospitalisation in Bali on the one hand was for the same reason an infection in the urinary tract there I had infected  kidneys, as well the term was familiar to me, And if I think positive, good because of the paranoia of the coronavirus that I panicked, and I ended up with a urine test and I can stop the infection before it passed to the kidneys ....... no, no, the tears did not fall as I would have expected with great relief after so much anguish, but now that I am writing it to you, yes. I started with antibiotics, I called the entire support network and children to tell them the good news and I watched Netflix all day, I had no head to digest everything past and suffered, at sunset I went for a walk on the beach, !!!! I would no longer contaminate others ... !!!!!!!!!! .and the muscle pain that I was carrying began without realising it, I started to unroll every inch of muscle, to breathe deeply ..... this was two days ago ...... yesterday in bed, with the door open, I mended clothes that I had pending, washed as many, did a deep clean of my room, I went out to buy a chicken Pad Thai. I called another Thai friend, we talked for a long time and her drama was losing her job as well as her husband, giving her moral support and even something material since she was giving birth the next month and both were without work, I am totally lucky to share, the jokes returned and hearing me laugh again ... did something to me. Last night before going to sleep I fished out your book and on page 99 it is written in your hand: January 6, 2020 train Chiang Mai to Bangkok ........ Put me in  silence, although I live in silence, but it belongs to the other, the one with the blank mind, I went to the last page someone left a trace as is, and it said:   this book travelled with me from Mexico. If you read it let me know, email to xxxxxxxxxx  @gmail.com.     It was  eleven o'clock at night and I went to the beach to digest it, ...... an email ..... I have read books about hostels in piles and never found a message like this. Someone who opens the doors, surely you expected a simple, and friendly comment and I would have, but what I lived through with your book that was always on my pillow and was my little light. You gave me your book and there was a magical reason even if it was a small one, from a non-Hispanic writer and that gave me joy to read magic, literature, the art of the word, that leaves such a hopeful flavour, to give me hope for a while and to get me out of the doldrums for a while to enjoy. and above all your mail, and I think it is clear to you the reason for this mail, you have given me the space to faithfully tell you about my days with the book by my side. 

Of the characters described, all know in partial ways my misery, but the feelings, thoughts and personal fears I have only deposited here, as a stranger, I did not transmit my fears or my ghosts of the moment to any of my loved ones. Nor would I have written to you without being certain that all my nightmares were over. I will finish the book one of these nights ..... I am writing to you this morning, I was urged to let you know the history, the company and the comfort of the soul that it gave me and that it was born from another mechanic of the heart. I say goodbye in debt, grateful and with a fever of 37.5, and I can laugh (only for two more days, until the antibiotic works) and having met its author Mathias Malzieu.

A hug to my dear foreign friend where you are caught by your quarantine and strength for all the hard times that lie ahead.

I never got an answer, sometimes I tell myself reality is beyond imagination with the story in this book and I called those days "the fucking scariest time of my life." I clarify my little angel gave me good help, if it had been registered with quarantine as it corresponded to me and except to say that I am from Chile, I would have had a fever check daily by the police, or I wouldn’t get to go at night to the mini market days before they started to take the temperatures of all those who entered and… . what would I have done ?? I had no contact with any living being on the island at that time.

pandemic local curiosities, delivery of rice, eggs and several other things, they put the flip-flops to make a queue and the punishment of those who do not wear a mask, are made to do sit-ups.

Within five days I was relieved, emotionally recovered above all and again able to enjoy paradise, my long swims on the corals in those crystalline waters and I ended up with cystitis, back to the doctor, more antibiotics and bed, no more swimming, no more walks…. My spirits were saved by my house with its unbeatable view of the sea, beach at my feet... I recovered, my spirits rose, then I ended up with otitis, return to antibiotics, the third time in a month. Once I had recovered, especially ready to enjoy myself, to resume my daily swimming and my walks to the pier along a beautiful path parallel to the beach, the pain and inflammation returned to my ankle, back we went again with medicines and rest. I finish this chapter with MRI in hand, I left on the first boat when I could, after two months once the quarantine was lifted on the big island Koh Samui, and of course all was wrong, post-operative complications. Back I went back to Koh Tao to do rehabilitation for 3 months and nothing more, I am full time with auto kinesiology learned from Google and therapeutic massages, the country of millenary massages, what better.

I still managed to get to know my neighbours who kept each other company in the quarantine and had a great time, and my neighbour, Cathy, was German, we became great friends. She was from Jupiter, I was from Mars, and we meet on Saturn, because we have nothing in common, and we developed a beautiful friendship. She became my driver with her motorcycle, she took me to tour the island, supported me in everything I needed, she taught me to eat vegan, puffff, but I ended up eating well, anyhow, I was on a diet that worked wonders for me, because I would never step on a vegan restaurant. Thank you, Cathy, you were very generous, cheerful and always available, I remain with your friendship and my best memories. Photos of my beach readings and swims in that beautiful sea, I adopted a dog, Gringa. I celebrated my birthday with my neighbours, we did a Piñata with the face of the Coronavirus, and we hit it so hard until it was destroyed. It was a catharsis.

I finish with this photo, if all these miserable health problems had to come, what better place than here, and to recover definitively from the leg. It is the best place in the world and from my balcony everything is surpassed. Lucky